How do you tell a man, you are not the one he thinks he loves? How do you contradict everything he believes in without changing his world? How do you break his bond without breaking his heart?
I’m sitting at the window booth at Sunny Side Cafe with these questions running through my mind. A man loves me, but not me. He met me at a function two months ago; he met a happy, impulsive and sexy girl. He fell madly in love. But that wasn’t me; I am not always happy, hardly impulsive and far from sexy. He didn’t really meet me. He is not really in love with me.
He met Sam, the other me. Sam was the girl at the party that night; in that skimpy thing she called a dress. Sam was the one smoking sheesha for the first time yet mastering it like a chimney with smoke. Sam was the one dancing with him, slowly and teasingly, making him yearn for her.
She was the one who gave him memories in bed.
The one who brought sunshine into his life for 3 days and left. That was Sam.
I have continued this charade for 2 long months. I am not Sam. I am the girl who hardly goes out; I am the girl who finds comfort in a good novel and a hot cup of chocolate. I am the girl who loves grapes because they remind me of a lover’s kisses. I am the girl who wishes on a full moon and expect them to come true.
I am the girl trapped in Sam’s world.
A perfect man loves me, but not the real me. Yes, he seems perfect, thoughtful, caring and loving but this is not my life.
“chains though made of gold are still chains”.
I do not love this man.