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I want to loan God all my insecurities

Ugly and heavy as they are

But it’s hard

The other day I called myself an insufferable prick

for not being able to sit through a social gathering

without feeling like suffocating

Last month I didn’t think it necessary to celebrate a great win

I bury my wins under a heap of nonchalance

Because inadequacy grows here and never dies

I am harder on myself than anyone will ever be

I am harder on myself than I will ever be on anyone

Irritation pops up like a ‘terms of service’ button

that refuses to activate until I’ve read through all the conditions

Guilt pins me down for not being the best version of myself yet

I forget to celebrate the little joys,

I forget to celebrate the parts of me that bring others joy

So when people call me amazing, I double check to make sure it’s me

And look around for a mirror, to see if I can spot the awesome in me too

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